Amusing Quotes
Brief Introduction
Friends, are you looking for funny quotes in English, here we have prepared the best funny quotes for you, after listening to which you will be laughing like idiots.
There are many kinds of humors and very short funny quotes fact is reflected in the quotations. A huge number of Amusing quotations is being collected from different sources. Some funny crazy quotes will make you smile or chuckle and some will tickle your mind they are Extremely funny quotes.
Some of the quotations are come from well-known humorists but not all are comical. Some deliberate nonsense will be found rubbing shoulders with unconscious absurdity like funny quotes on life or Funny hilarious quotes.
This is not an academic treatise requiring precise details of source this is just for your knowledge.
The “amusing quotes” is designed partly to be useful to reader and the suitable “amusing quotes” has often helped an after-dinner oration on its way. But the complete quotations are also intended for the general reader who will find it an agreeable field to browse in.
So, let’s read some of the best funny quotes about me, very short funny quotes about life also see images for funny crazy quotes and lots more.
Enjoy some beautiful and most laughable Comedy quotes in English.
in detail
QUOTES BY FAMOUS PEOPLE
ABUSE:
(funny jokes)
1 – Scam! Said the red-faced man. “Filthy, lousy, herring-gutted, spavin-bellied scam” – A. G. MacDonell.
2 – Thou art a boil, A plague-sore, an embossed carbuncle!” – WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
3 – He called me a muddle-headed old ass,” he said. “Well, you are a muddle-headed old ass,” I pointed out, quick as a flash. – P.G. WODEHOUSE
ACCCIDENTS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – “There’s been an accident,” they said. “Your servant’s cut in half; he’s dead!”. “Indeed!” said Mr.Jones, “then please send me the half that’s got my keys.” – HARRY GRAHAM
2 – Once you start buying first-aid kits you start having accidents. – GEORGE MIKES
3 – What is better than presence of mind in an accident?” “Absence of body.” – PUNCH
ACTING:
(entertaining sentence easy)
1 – Phoebe Lucas would play a glamorous courtesan with about as much sex appeal as a haddock!” – NOEL COWARD
2 – “He said that although he knew she was a formidable actress he’d rather have someone who looked less like a guinea-pig.” – NOEL COWARD
3 – They are a race apart, doomed to go through life pretending to be somebody else. – R.F. DELDERFIELD
4 – On the stage he was natural, simple, affecting; Twas only that when he was off he was acting. – OLIVER GOLDSMITH
5 – I can speak with authority on the subject of being hard up. I have been a provincial actor. – J.K. JEROME
6 – I remember a landlady who used to split her dining-room into two halves: straight actors on the left, variety turns on the right. – ERNIE WISE
ADULTERY:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Charles II does not appear to have practiced birth control. In all he was to have thirteen illegitimate children. – MAURICE ASHLEY
2 – What men call gallantry and gods adultery, Is much more common when the climate’s sultry. – LORD BYRON
3 – Merely innocent flirtation, Not quite adultery but adulteration. – LORD BYRON
4 – A little still she strove and much repented, And whispering. “I will ne’er consent” consented. – LORD BYRON
5 – Sarah could commit adultery at one end and weep for her sins at the other and enjoy both operations at once. – JOYCE CARY
6 – Do not adultery commit Advantage rarely comes of it. – A.H. CLOUGH
7 – “I love my neighbour as myself, and to avoid coveting my neighbour’s wife I desire to be coveted by her – which you know is another thing.” WILLIAM CONGREVE
8 – Each deceiver to his cost may find. That marriage frauds too oft are paid in kind. – WILLIAM CONGREVE
9 – “If the Husband be out of the way, the Wife may show her Fondness and Impatience of his Absence by choosing a lover as life him as she can.” – WILLIAM CONGREVE
10 – Hypocrisy … cannot, like adultery or gluttony, be practiced at spare moments. – W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
11 – Who would not make her husband a cuckold to make him a monarch?” – WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
12 – “No man worth having is true to his life… or ever was.” – JOHN VANBRUGH
MOST FAMOUS QUOTES
ADVERTISING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Wealth must be advertised, and the normal medium is obtrusively expensive goods. – J.K. GALBRAITH
2 – We all know nowadays that advertisement can be a fine art; but Nature made that discovery long ago, when bird-song burst into beauty. – JULIAN HUXLEY
3 – I never read a patent medicine advertisement without being impelled to the conclusion that I am suffering from the particular disease… in its most virulent form. – J.K. JEROME
4 – Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. – STEPHEN LEACOCK
5 – Advertising is … the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. – SINCLAIR LEWIS
6 – The consumer is not a moron. She is your wife. – DAVID OGILVY
ADVICE:
(amusing quotes)
1 – You should never take advice from any man, however well he knows his subjects, unless he also knows you. – BALAAM
2 – No man has ever yet discovered the way to give friendly advice to a woman, not even to his wife. – HONORE DE BALZAC
3 – To consult is to seek another’s approval of a course already decided on. – AMBROSE BIERCE
4 – When a man comes to me for advice I find out the kind of advice he wants, and give it to him. – JOSH BILLINGS
5 – “As a grown man you should know better than to go round advising people.” – BERTOLT BRECHT
6 – She generally gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it.) – LEWIS CARROLL
7 – To ask advice is in nine cases out of ten to tout for flattery. – JOHN CHURTON COLLINS
8 – This is the gist of what I know: Give advice and buy a foe. – PHYLLIS McGINLEY
9 – I sometimes give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it. – LADY MARY MONTAGU
10 – Since I have given you all this advice, I add this crowning precept, the most valuable of all. NEVER TAKE ANYBODY’S ADVICE. – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
11 – Good advice is one of those injuries which a good man ought, if possible, to forgive. – HORACE SMITH
12 – No one wants advice – only corroboration. – JOHN STEINBECK
13 – Only take this rule, always to advise her wrong; And reprove her when she’s right; She may then grow wise for spite. – JONATHAN SWIFT
14 – I have lived some thirty years on this planet, and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors. – H.D. THOREAU
15 – I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. – OSCAR WILDE
AGE:
(Funny easy sentence)
1 – Old age is always fifteen years older than I am. – BERNARD M. BARUCH
2 – Lately I appear to have reached that stage when people look old Who are only my age. – RICHARD ARMOUR
3 – I’ve never known a person to live to 110 or more, and then die, to be remarkable for anything else. – JOSH BILLINGS
4 – Old age is … a lot of crossed-off names in your address book. – RONALD BLYTHE
5 – The gardener’s rule applies to youth and age: When young “sow wild oats”, but when old, grow sage. – H.J. BYRON
6 – “You are old, Father William,” the young man said, “And your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly stand on your head- Do you think at your age it is right?” – LEWIS CARROLL
7 – Growing old isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative. – MAURICE CHEVALIER
8 – When a man falls into his anecdotage it is a sign for him to retire. – BENJAMIN DISRAELI
9 – When you’re older you’re colder. A.G. ELLIOT
10 – All would live long, but none would be old. – BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
11 – To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old. – O.W. HOLMES
12 – You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. – BOB HOPE
13 – Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. – DAN INGMAN
14 – No man is ever old enough to know better. – HOLBROOK JACKSON
15 – Passing your 80th birthday is no great achievement. You just sit still and it happens. – ANGUS McBEAN
16 – Anyone can get old. All you have to do is to live long enough. – GROUCHO MARX
17 – Middle-age – by which I mean anything over twenty and under ninety. – A.A. MILNE
18 – When you’ve reached a certain age and think that a face-lift or a trendy way of dressing will make you feel twenty years younger, remember – nothing can fool a flight of stairs. – DENIS NORDEN
19 – Comes tittering on, and shoves you from the stage. – ALEANDER POPE
20 – It’s no use growing older if you only learn new ways of misbehaving yourself. – SAKI
21 – The greatest problem of old age is the fear that it may go on too long. – A.J.P. TAYLOR
22 – It’s silly to talk of old age; there’s always a yong person inside. – SYBIL THORNDIKE
23 – Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18. – MARK TWAIN
24 – When you friends being to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old. – MARK TWAIN
25 – If I’d known I was going to live to be 100, I would have taken better care of myself. – ANON
ANCESTORS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – The family you come from isn’t as important as the family you’re going to have. – RING W. LARDNER
2 – To have an ancestor who was hanged for sheep-stealing perhaps gives me a certain social standing. – ROBERT MORLEY
ANGER:
(Amusing sentence)
1 – A man in a passion rides a mad horse. – BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
2 – Peace of mind is better than giving them a piece of your mind. – J.P. McEVOY
3 – Anger is not only inevitable; it is also necessary. Its absence means indifference, the most disastrous of human failings. – ARTHUR PONSONBY
4 – If you strike a child, take care that you strike it in anger… A blow in cold blood neither can nor should be forgiven. – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
ANIMALS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – I have a hippopotamus: I kept him in a shed, And fed him upon vitamins and vegetable bread…, He frolicked with the Rector in a dozen friendly tussles, Who could not but remark upon his hippopotamuscles. – PATRICK BARRINGTON
2 – Normal young tigers do not eat people. If eaten by a tiger you may rest assured that he was abnormal. WILL CUPPY
3 – The sloth lives his life upside down. He is perfectly comfortable that way. If the blood rushes to his head, nothing happens because there is nothing to work on. – WILL CUPPY
4 – Beasts kill for hunger, men for pay. – JOHN GAY
5 – Many birds and beasts are … as fit to go to Heaven as many human beings – people who talk of their seats there with as much confidence as if they had booked them at a box-office. – LEIGH HUNT
6 – A mouse that prayed for Allah’s aid, Blasphemed when no such aid befell; A Cat who feasted on that Mouse, Thought Allah managed vastly well. – SAKI
7 – “Anyone who works with animals in whatever capacity must be at least a bit dotty,” says a zoo director friend. – DAVID TAYLOR
8 – Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to. – MARK TWAIN
9 – If, strolling forth, a beast you view, whose hide with spots is peppered, as soon as it has leapt on you, you’ll know it is a leopard. – CAROLYN WELLS
APOLOGY:
(amusing sentence simple)
1 – Apologize: to lay the foundations for a future offence. – AMBROSE BIERCE
2 – “I never apologize.” – GEORAGE BERNARD SHAW
3 – It’s a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people don’t want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. – P.G. WODEHOUSE
ARCHITECTURE:
(amusing quotes)
1 – All architecture is great architecture after sunset. – G.K. CHESTERTON
2 – We shape our building; thereafter they shape us. – WINSTON S. CHURCHILL
3 – A courageous and partly successful attempt to disguise a gas works as a racquets court. – PETER FLEMING
ARGUMENT:
(Amusing sentence easy)
1 – There is no arguing with Johnson, for when his pistol misses fire, he knocks you down with the butt end of it. – OLIVER GOLDSMITH
2 – If you argue with an N.C.O. as all good Scotsmen must, you are insubordinate. – IAN HAY
3 – The only argument available with an east wind is to put on your overcoat. – J.R. LOWELL
4 – I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar and often convincing. – OSCAR WILDE
ARISTOCRACY:
(amusing quotations)
1 – Honour is a luxury for aristocrats, but it is a necessity for hall-porters. – G.K. CHESTERTON
2 – When everyone is somebody, Then no one’s anybody. – W.S. GILBERT
3 – Titles distinguish the mediocre, embarrass the superior, and are disgraced by the inferior. – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
4 – We adore titles and heredities in our hearts, and ridicule them with our mouths. That is our democratic privilege. – MARK TWAIN
ARMY:
(amusing quotes)
1 – If a soldier wishes to speak to an officer an introduction must be effected by a sergeant. – IAN HAY
2 – There was a big route march on that morning and nearly the whole company had gone sick as a result. J. MACLAREN – ROSS
3 – “Right-turn,” I managed to get out. They all turned left. – J. MACLAREN – ROSS
ART:
(Amusing sentence easy)
1 – Any fool can paint a picture but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it. – SAMUEL BUTLES
2 – If you went round the National Portrait Gallery without knowing who the portraits were of, you would be as bored as if they were so much wall-paper. – LORD DAVID CECIL
3 – He loved painting, all painting, indiscriminately. In a picture gallery he was like Turk in a harem; he adored them all. – ALDOUS HUXLEY
4 – During the last eight years… he had worked his way industriously through cubism. Now he had come out on the other side. – ALDOUS HUXLEY
5 – Art, like Nature, makes its own laws as it goes along. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
6 – “What are you painting?” I said. “Is it the Heavenly Child?” “No,” he said, “it is a cow.” STEPHEN LEACOCK
7 – Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth. – PABLO PICASSO
8 – How often my soul visits the National Gallery and how seldom I go there myself! – LOGAN PEARSALL SMITH
9 – The women of the Italian masters are disgustingly fat and their babies are on the verge of apoplexy.
10 – Many painters and writers have made beautiful works out of repulsive subjects. Picasso enjoys making repulsive works out of beautiful subjects. – RAYMOND MORTIMER
BABIES:
(amusing quotes)
1 – More twins are being born these days, Maybe it’s because kids haven’t the courage to come into the world alone. – STAN BURNS
2 – Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn’t do something it oughtn’t to, a doctor should be called in at once. J.K. JEROME
3 – No baby is admired sufficiently to please the mother. – E.V. LUCAS
BANKS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – George goes to sleep at a bank from ten to four each day, except Saturdays, when they wake him up and put him outside at two. – J.K. JEROME
2 – Most banks will gladly grant a loan, In fact they often speed it; The only thing that they require, Is proof that you don’t need it. – F.G. KERNAN
3 – “Good morning,” I said, and stepped into the safe. “Come out,” said the manager coldly, and showed me the other way. – STEPHEN LEACOCK
4 – Banks don’t make pleasant shareholders. – JULIAN SHUCKBURGH
BEARDS:
(amusing quotations)
1 – He had a chin on which large numbers of hairs weakly curled and clustered to cover its retreat. – MAX BEERBOHM
2 – Among the Romans all foreigners were called barbarians because most of the tribes with which the Romans had acquaintance were bearded. AMBROSE BIERCE
3- “As I entered the ballroom,” writes a young Victorian lady. “I saw along the wall a row of curly brown beards – a truly beautiful sight.” – ARTHUR BRYANT
4 – The best after-shave is cold water, but clever industrial chemists have persuaded many men to put all kinds of muck on their faces. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
5 – Beware of long arguments and long beards. – GEORGE SANTAYANA
6 – An irregular greying beard was a decoration to a face that badly needed assistance. – ADGAR WALLACE
BEAUTY:
(amusing quotes)
1 – All heiresses are beautiful. – JOHN DRYDEN
2 – Beauty, when most uncloth’d, is clothed best. – PHINEAS FLETCHER
3 – In beauty faults conspicuous grow; The smallest speck is seen on show. – JOHN GAY
4 – A queen devoid of beauty is not queen. – VICTOR HUGO
5 – “I always say, beauty is only sin deep.” – SAKI
6 – The saying that beauty is but skin deep is but a skin-deep saying. – HERBERT SPENCER
BED:
amusing quotes
1 – I could keep out of bed all right if I once got out. It is the wrenching away away of the head from the pillow that I find so hard. – J.K. JEROME
2 – My bedfellows are cough and cramp; we sleep three in a bed. – CHARLES LAMB
3 – There is not a single proverb in favour of early rising that appeals to the higher nature of man. – ROBERT LYND
4 – No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up. – ROBERT LYND
5 – Do not allow the bride to select the side upon which she wishes to spend the night… It is a tacit admission that she is the boss in bed, an unthinkable proposition. – JOHN MARSHALL
BEGGING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Show your most revolting scar; People never weary of it. The more nauseous you are more their pity – and your profit. – J. ELROY FLECKER
2 – Monks will have three begging bowls for their food- one for water one for liquid food and one for dry food. – SATISH KUMAR
BIRDS:
Best amusing quotations
1 – All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons. – ALAN COREN
2 – The Love Bird is one hundred percent faithful to his mate – who is locked into the same cage. – WILL CUPPY
3 – The loon bobs up in the surf on dark nights, ruins your summer with a burst of wild maniacal laughter… and wonders why people shoot at him. – WILL CUPPY
4 – “A fly can’t bird, but a bird can fly.” – A.A. MILNE
5 – If you hear the nightingale before the cuckoo, your love affair will prosper. – JACK THOMAS
BODY:
Amusing quotes about life
1 – I am always meeting idealists with very long necks. – G.K. CHESTERTON
2 – My hand from finger-tip to wrist measures exactly seven inches. Another five inches and it would become a foot. – BERT DOUGLAS
3 – What a comfort it would be if one could bring air cushions into school chapel. – ALDOUS HUXLEY
4 – She was built in the way they used to build cars at that time – all the weight at the back – DENIS NORDEN
5 – Everything below her neck was so unconfined that when her feet came to a halt, the rest of her took perceptibly longer to settle down. – DENIS NORDEN
BOOKS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – “His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.” – HILAIRE BELLOC
2 – He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it. – JOSEPH HELLER
3 – “Books” he said – “books. One reads so many… I must have red twenty or thirty tons of them in the last five years.” – ALDOUS HUXLEY
4 – If you believe everything you read, better not read. – GEORGE JOHNSTONE
5 – His book hit the world with all the impact of a feather falling on to a piece of damp blotting-paper. – PATRICK MOORE
BUSINESS:
Amusing quotes about work
1 – “Business? That’s simple other people’s money.” – ALEXANDRE DUMAS
2 – My two new assistants are incompetent dullards, so they should do very well in British industry. – MICHAEL GREEN
3 – In my business hours I avoid fatigue. I do this by not doing too much work – the only trustworthy recipe. – E.V. KNOX
4 – “I’m going to start at the bottom and work my way down.” – P.G. WODEHOUSE
CARDS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – A Major-General across the hall was desperately trying to create three no-trumps where God had only created two. – A.G. MACDONELL
2 – I hate people who play Bridge as though they were at a funeral, and knew their feet were getting wet.” – W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
3 – “It’s maddening when you’re playing Patience and people won’t leave you alone.” – W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
CHILDREN:
Amusing short quotes
1 – Far from cementing a marriage, children more frequently disrupt it. Child rearing is on the whole an expensive and unrewarding bore. – NIGEL BALCHIN
2 – A boy does not put his hand into his pocket until every other means of gaining his end has failed. – J.M. BARRIE
3 – There are two classes of travel – first class and with children. – ROBERT BENCHLEY
4 – Children on a night boat seem to be built of hardier stock… They stay awake later, get up earlier and are heavier on their feet. – ROBERT BENCHLEY
5 – People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. LEO J. BURKE
6 – How many children have acquired a bad habit as a result of having it attributed to them! – MICHAEL BURN
7 – As soon as children are good the mothers are scared and think they are going to die. – R.W. EMERSON
8 – Anybody who hates children and dogs can’t be all bad. – W.C. FIELDS
9 – Teach your child to hold his tongue; he’ll learn fast enough to speak. – BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
10 – Children are a great comfort in your old age and they help you to reach it faster. – LIONEL. KAUFFMAN
11 – I love children. Especially when they cry for then someone takes them away. – NANCY MITFORD
12 – I must have been an insufferable child; all children are. – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
13 – Before I married I had six theories about bringing up children, but no children; now I have six children and no theories. – ANON
CHRISTMAS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – This is a play about… jealousy and self-deception and greed and envy and lust and gluttony. Just an average family Christmas. – ALAN AYCKBOURN
2 – Christmas: a day set apart and consecrated to gluttony, drunkenness, maudlin sentiment, gift-taking and public dullness. – AMBROSE BIERCE
3 – I have a carefully-worked-out plan for doing the Christmas shopping. It’s called panic. – PAUL DANIELS
4 – Christmas has come, let’s eat and drink- This is no time to sit and think. – W.H. DAVIES
5 – I am more and more convinced that Scrooge was one of the most sensible men that I have ever read about. – MICHAEL GREEN
6 – “Novelty” is the one quality required for Christmas games… If a game is novel it is enough. To the manager of a toy department the continued vogue of cricket must be very bewildering. – A.A. MILNE
CHURCH:
(100 Funny Words)
1 – “Just been to church… Pay my respects, you know. I like to go once a year, that’s all. Just in case. Keep the options open, eh?” – ALAN AYCKBOURN
2 – To Mr Rawlinson’s church… and very great store of fine women there is in this church, more than I know anywhere else. – SAMUEL PEPYS
CINEMA:
(Funny Disney movie quotes)
1 – I want a movie that starts with an earthquake and works up to a climax. – SAM GOLDWYN
2 – The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder. – ALFRED HITCHCOCK
CLASS:
(Funny Jokes)
1 – I know people who secretly visit evening elocution classes in order to pick up a cockney accent. – GEORGE MIKES
2 – No one can make you feel inferior unless you consent. – ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
3 – Marx sought to replace natural antagonisms by class antagonisms. – H.G. WELLS
CLOTHES:
(amusing quotes)
1 – When a woman wears a low-cut gown, what does she expect you to do: look or not look? – WILLIAM FEATHER
2 – Nothing makes a man look so supremely ridiculous as losing his hat. – J.K. JEROME
3 – The kilt is an unrivalled garment for fornication and diarrhoea. – JOHN MASTERS
4 – “It suits you very well, dear.” “It’s had long enough to get used to me!” – A.A. MILNE
5 – Below his kilt a self-respecting Highlander wore and still wears – shoes and socks. – FRANK MUIR
6 – A dress has no purpose unless it makes a man want to take it off. – FRANCOISE SAGAN
7 – “All dress is fancy dress, isn’t it, except our natural skins.” – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
8 – As martyrs burn for Christ, so ladies freeze for fashion. – C.H. SPURGEON
COOKING:
(Corny Jokes)
1 – It is impossible to combine the heating of milk with any other pursuit whatever. – H.F. ELLIS
2 – An unwatched pot boils immediately. – H.F. ELLIS
3 – Heaven sends us good meat but the Devil sends cooks. – DAVID GARRICK
4 – She was a good cook as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went. – SAKI
CRICKET:
(amusing quotes)
1 – I just wanted to find out who we were playing.” – WARWICK ARMSTRONG
2 – Of all games and sports, cricket appears to be most trying to the temper for a player cannot lose his wicket without being put out. – THOMAS HOOD
3 – I run for a catch, with the sun in my eyes, sir…, Now I wear a black patch, And a nose such a size, sir! – COULSON KERNAHAN
4 – Cricket is the only game where the major part of the team can just idle around and watch a few of their number do the work. – GEORGE MIKES
5 – My father was one of the few umpires of my experience who appealed along with the bowler. – MICHAEL PARKINSON
6 – If the French noblesse had been capable of playing cricket with their peasants their chateaux would never have been burnt. – G.M. TREVELYAN
7 – Here is a game so doggedly peculiar and dangerous that no foreign nations… have ever adopted it. – PETER USTINOV
8 – To the spectators, cricket is more a therapy than a sport. It is like watching fish dart about a pool. – MICHAEL WALE
CRIME:
funny crazy quotes
1 – He is capable of any crime from reviling the classics to diverting water-courses. – ERNEST BRAMAH
2 – My object all sublime, I shall achieve in time – To make the punishment fit the crime. – W.S. GILBERT
3 – “Crime doesn’t pay; so stop being a criminal and we’ll pay you.” – EUGENE IONESCO
4 – Much as he is opposed to law-breaking he is not bigoted about it. – DAMON RUNYON
CRITICISM:
(amusing quotations)
1 – One cannot attack a bad book without showing off. – W.H. AUDEN
2 – Alexander Woolcott, in a rage, has all the tenderness and restraint of a newly caged cobra. – NOEL COWARD
3 – The critic is often an unsuccessful author, almost always an inferior one. – LEIGH HUNT
4 – You may scold a carpenter who has made you a bad table, though you cannot make a table. – SAMUEL JOHNSON
5 – “The next item on the programme,” says the newspaper report unkindly, “was quite a pleasing one. It was the interval.” – LOUIS NIKOLA
6 – This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. – DOROTHY PARKER
7 – Most writers… accept vituperation… as a healthy counter – point to unintelligent praise. – EVELYN WAUGH
CURSING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Swear not at all for thy curse, Thine enemy is none the worse. – A.H. CLOUGH
2 – The sale of our penny curses, especially on Saturday nights, is tremendous. We can’t turn them out fast enough.” – W.S. GILBERT
3 – I know how to curse: the red plague rid you, For learning me your language! – WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
4 – The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loom! – WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
DANCING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Dance: to leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with your neighbour’s wife or daughter. – AMBROSE BIERCE
2 – “Dancing?”… Tis certainly a Barbarian exercise and of savage origin.” – FANNY BURNEY
3 – “I’ve danced with a man, who’s danced with a girl, who’s danced with the Prince of Wales.” – HERBERT FARJEON
4 – Fifty years from now the only one of today’s dancers who will be remembered is Fred Astaire. – GENE KELLY
5 – Dancing with her was like moving a piano. – RING W. LARDNER
6 – Most dancing partnerships lead to marriage. What could be more moral than that? – FRANK AND PEGGY SPENCER
7 – Everyone knows that the real business of a ball is either to look out for a wife, to look after a wife, or to look after somebody else’s wife. – R.S. SURTEES
8 – Dancing is the perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. – ANON
9 – Many people nowadays don’t dance; they just wriggle about. – ANON
10 – Dancing the Twist is just as if you’d dropped a cigarette end on the floor and were grinding it out with the toe of your shoe. – ANON
DEATH:
(Funny Quotes about Life)
1 – It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. – WOODY ALLEN
2 – There have been times when I’ve thought about suicide – but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution. – WOODY ALLEN
3 – She said, “This looks a healthy village – do people often die here.” “No, only once.” – BILLY BURDEN
4 – The strangest whim has seized me… After all, I think I will not hang myself today. G.K. CHESTERTON
5 – The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct. – WILL CUPPY
6 – The man recovered of the bite, The dog it was that died. – OLIVER GOLDSMITH
7 – I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall die some day which is not so. – STEPHEN LEACOCK
8 – Die, Doctor? That’s the last thing I shall do! – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
9 – I am dying, as I have lived, beyond my means. -OSCAR WILDE
10 – There were no last words. His wife was with him to the end. – ANON
DOCTORS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – The consultant physicians and surgeons could easily be picked out, for they always moved from one spot to another in public as if they were in a desperate hurry. – RICHARD GORDON
2 – A man who can read a doctor’s prescription written with a post-office pen is a magician. – GEORGE McATHY
3 – When I was young and full of life, I loved the local doctor’s wife, And ate an apple every day, To keep the doctor far away. – THOMAS LAMONT
4 – The best doctors in the world are Dr Diet, Dr Quiet, and Dr Merryman. – JONATHAN SWIFT
5 – He wrote a doctor’s hand – the hand which from the beginning of time has been so disastrous to the pharmacist and so profitable to the undertaker. – MARK TWAIN
DREAMS:
(Winnie the Pooh Quotes)
1 – Macaulay… dreamt that after he had used Pepys’s diary extensively, his small niece confessed to having forged the whole thing. – ARTHUR BRYANT
2 – Dreams are of course, tremendously significant and if dreamt properly and subsequently analysed properly, should at once reveal your normal hatred of your mother. – W.C. SELLAR & R.J. YEATMAN
BEST QUOTES OF ALL TIME
DRINKING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – If all be true as I do think, There are Five Reasons we should drink: Good Wine, a Friend or being dry, or lest we should be by and by – or any other reason why. – HENRY ALDRICH
2 – Drink because you are happy, never because you are miserable. – G.K. CHESTERTON
3 – Came home at 3.15, not tight, loosened, if anything, one or two joints unbolted, no more than that, perfectly capable of sticking key in letter-box and walking into Christmas tree. – ALAN COREN
4 – No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness – or as good as drink. G.K. CHESTERTON
5 – I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. – W.C. FIELDS
6 – Take counsel in wine, but resolve afterwards in water.
7 – The wine is full of gases, Which are to me offensive; It pleases all you asses, Because it is expensive. – A.P. HERBERT
8 – For any ceremonial purpose the otherwise excellent liquid, water, is unsuitable in colour and other respects. – A.P. HERBERT
9 – He finished his half-pint… with the slowness of a man unable to see where the next was coming from. W.W. JACOBS
10 – For my taste, no cup of tea can be too large. C.S. LEWIS
11 – The wine flower like water; towards the end of the evening it tasted like it. – SPIKE MILLIGAN
12 – There are two reasons for drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it. – T.L. PEACOCK
13 – They never taste, who always drink. – MATTHEW PRIOR
14 – James Watt spent all that time watching the kettle boil and the least he could have done was to invent the tea-bag. – OLIVER PRITCHETT
15 – “I’m only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller.” – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
16 – Wine is the juice of the grape gone bad. – LORD SOPER
17 – An old saying and a true – “much drinking, little thinking”. – JONATHAN SWIFT
18 – Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. – MARK TWAIN
19 – Alcohol increases a mild gloom while creating the illusion of numbing it. A.N. WILSON
20 – All animals are strictly dry: They sinless live and swiftly die, But sinful- ginful- rum-soaked men, Survive for threescore years and ten; And some, as anyone can see, Stay pickled till they’re ninety-three. – ANON
EATING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – A fork is an instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. – AMBROSE BIERCE
2 – After dinner sit a while; after supper walk a mile. – WILLIAM CAMDEN
3 – The menu was written in a sort of super-French employed by cooks, but quite unintelligible to Frenchmen. – G.K. CHESTERTON
4 – English puddings are eaten to keep out the cold. – LEN DEIGHTON
5 – “I feel a very unusual sensation,” said Mr. St. Barbe, after dining. “If it’s not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude.” – BENJAMIN DISRAELI
6 – Things that are said to do one good generally taste of sawdust and burnt rubber. – R.W.B. HOWARTH
7 – If you are ever at a loss to support a flagging conversation, introduce the subject of eating. – LEIGH HUNT
8 – He who does not mind his belly will hardly mind anything else. – SAMUEL JOHNSON
9 – We asked for a square meal and they offered us dog biscuits. – JOHN MARSHALL
10 – The “Leek Soup” tasted like rusty water which had somehow leaked through the ceiling on to the plates. – FRANK MUIR
11 – He argued that you cannot hope to elevate the masses until you have brought plovers eggs into their lives. – SAKI
12 – I have been persistently strict in sticking to things that didn’t agree with me until one or other got the best of it. – MARK TWAIN
EDUCATION:
(Monday Motivation Quotes)
1 – We were determined to stay ignorant and the masters had long given up attempting to change our minds. – ALAN BRIEN
2 – A primary duty of education is to let curiosity rip. – IVOR BROWN
3 – I am wholly against children wasting their time in the idleness of what is called education. – WILLIAM COBBETT
4 – Examiners, like lightning, never strike twice in the same place. – RICHARD GORDON
5 – Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. – OSCAR WILDE
FAMOUS QUOTES ABOUT LIFE
ENGLISH:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun. – NOEL COWARD
2 – Englishmen think over a compliment for a week, so that by the time they pay it, it is addled, like a bad egg.” – W.J. LOCKE
3 – An Englishman, even when he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one. – GEORGE MIKES
4 – The Englishman’s right to walk under the wheels of lorries was secured in Magna Carta. – GEORGE MIKES
5 – A man in a queue is as much the image of a true Briton as a man in a bull-ring is the image of a Spaniard. – GEORGE MIKES
6 – The English eat a great deal at Dinner; they rest awhile, then to it again, till they quite stuffed their paunch. – HENRI MISSON
7 – Most Englishmen have the soul (of the railway compartment) did an extraordinary thing, for an Englishman. He asked me a question. – PAUL THEROUX
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES ABOUT LIFE
ETIQUETTE:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Curtsey while you’re thinking what to say. It saves time. – LEWIS CARROLL
2 – Proprieties that have gone the way of the bustle, the parasol and the game of croquet. – R.F. DELDERFIELD
3 – He found that a fork in his inexperienced hand was an instrument of chase rather than capture. H.G. WELLS
4 – Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup. – ANON
EXERCISE:
(Good Morning Quotes)
1 – Exercise is a short cut to the cemetery. – JOHN MORTIMER
2 – I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. – MARK TWAIN
3 – Don Francesco was a fisher of men and of women… It was his way of taking exercise. – NORMAN DOUGLAS
EXPERIENCE:
(amusing quotes)
1 – “You will think me lamentably crude; my experience of life has been drawn from life itself.” – MAX BEERBOHM
2 – Experience is the wisdom that enables us to recognize… the folly that we have already embraced. – AMBROSE BIERCE
3 – Experience teaches slowly. – J.A. FROUDE
4 – For sterile wearience and drearience depend my boy upon experience. – OGDEN NASH
5 – Experience is the comb Life gives you after you’ve lost your hair. – JUDITH STERN
FACE:
(Funny Puns)
1 – A white-flecked auburn maustache dangled like a bunch of radishes beneath his nose. – KENNETH ALLSOP
2 – My face looks like a wedding-cake that has been left out in the rain. W.H. AUDEN
3 – Not even a moustache has ever come between my nose and me. – JIMMY DURANTE
4 – The eyes are the silent orators of the mind. Like all orators, they are apt to deceive. – SPIKE MILLIGAN
5 – He opened his eyes with a sound like the tearing apart of flypapers. – SPIKE MILLIGAN
6 – Be true to your teeth lest your teeth be false to you. – DEREK ROY
7 – A face like a carving abandoned as altogether too unpromising for completion. H.G. WELLS
8 – Her mouth had the coldly forbidding look of the closed door of a subway express when you have just missed the train. – P.G. WODEHOUSE
FASHION:
(amusing quotes)
1 – How apt fashionable men are to be fond of slang diction. – GEORGE DARLEY
2 – The surest way to be out of fashion tomorrow is to be in the forefront of it today. – DEREK MARLOWE
3 – Women’s styles may change but their designs remain the same. – OSCAR WILDE
FLATTERY:
(Knock Knock Jokes)
1 – Flattery never seems absurd; The flattered always take your word. – JOHN GAY
2 – “What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.” – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
FOREIGNERS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – The highest compliment that can be paid to a foreigner is to be stopped in the street and asked the way by a native. – E.V. LUCAS
2 – Abroad is unutterable bloody and foreigners are fiends.” – NANCY MITFORD
3 – My father always felt perfectly at home there because he never attempted to talk to or make friends with the natives. – ROBERT MORLEY
FREEDOM:
(50 Friday Quotes)
1 – Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear. – GEORGE ORWELL
2 – Liberty doesn’t work as well in practice as it does in speeches. – WILL ROGERS
3 – Man is not born free; he is born attached to his mother by a cord and is incapable of looking after himself for at least seven years. – KATHERINE WHITEHORN
FRIENDSHIP:
(amusing quotes)
1 – While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his. – AMBROSE BIERCE
2 – Of all the plagues, good Heaven, thy wrath can send, Seve me, oh save me from the candid friend. – GEORGE CANNING
3 – An open foe may prove a curse, but a pretended friend is worse. – JOHN GAY
4 – Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy. – SPIKE MILLIGAN
5 – Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend but it requires a fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success. OSCAR WILDE
FRUSTRATION:
(Funny Quotes)
1 – Even when I put my sunray lamp on, it rains on me. – WOODY ALLEN
2 – I have discovered a law which states that the information you particularly need is on the only piece of paper you cannot find. -JANE IONS
3 – Why is it that when I have a cup of tea in one hand and a plate of sticky cakes in the other, I invariably want to sneeze? – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
4 – I never had a piece of toast Particularly long and wide, But fell upon the sanded floor, And always on the buttered side. – JAMES PAYN
FUNERALS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – “If you don’t go to other men’s funerals they won’t go to yours.” – CLARENCE DAY
2 – As grand and griefless as a rich man’s funeral. – SYDNEY DOBELL
FUTURE:
(amusing quotes)
1 – You can never plan the future by the past. – EDMUND BURKE
2 – This is the first age that has paid much attention to the future, which is rather ironic since we may not have one. – ARTHUR C. CLARKE
3 – The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour. – C.S. LEWIS
4 – The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time. – ABRAHAM LINCOLN
5 – There’s good time coming, boys, A good time coming. – CHARLES MACKAY
MORE QUOTES ON LIFE
GAMBLING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil. HEYWOOD BROUN
2 – For most men (till by losing rendered sager) Will back their own opinions by a wager. – LORD BYRON
3 – If you can make a heap of all your winnings, And risk it on one turn of pitch and toss… You’ll be an ass, my son. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
4 – There are two occasions in a man’s life when he shouldn’t bet: when he can’t afford it, and when he can. – MARK TWAIN
5 – Gentlemen whose carriages roll upon the four aces are apt to have a wheel out of order. – JOHN VANBRUGH
GENIUS:
(Good Comebacks)
1 – Genius has been defined as a supreme capacity for taking trouble… It might more fitly be described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessor into trouble. – SAMUEL BUTLER
2 – Genius is the capacity for evading hard work. – ELBERT HUBBARD
3 – I have nothing to declare – except my genius. – OSCAR WILDE
HISTORY:
(amusing quotes)
1 – History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. – AMBROSE BIERCE
2 – It was the Puritans who put an end to the practice of dancing, as well as discontinuing the tradition of kings wearing heads on their shoulders. – MIKE HARDING
3 – History is a record of events that didn’t happen – made by someone who wasn’t there. – ANON
HONESTY:
(amusing quotes)
1 – “It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.” – NOEL COWARD
2 – Always be sincere, whether you mean it or not. – MICHAEL FLANDERS
3 – “Frank and explicit” – that is the right line to take when you wish to conceal your own mind and to confuse the minds of others. – BENJAMIN DISRAELI
4 – Honesty is the best policy; but he who acts on that policy is not an honest man. – BISHOP WHATELY
5 – We must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy. – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
HOSPITALITY:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Macbeth and Lady Macbeth stand out as the supreme type of all that a host and hostess should not be. – MAX BEERBOHM
2 – Hospitality is the virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging. – AMBROSE BIERCE
HOME:
(Funniest Quotes)
1 – It is quite cosy in the living-room. After a while I can even remove my overcoat. – BRAIN ALDISS
2 – “Mature” means either tumbledown or overgrown, depending on whether it refers to the building or the garden. – PETER CLAYTON
HUMOUR:
(amusing quotes)
1 – The marvellous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can mean only one thing. – RONNIE BARKER
2 – The man who cannot laugh is not only fit for treasons, stratagems and spoils; his whole life is already a treason and a stratagem. – THOMAS CARLYLE
3 – If Racine knew any jokes, he kept them to himself. – ARTHUR MARSHALL
4 – Everything is funny as long as it happens to someone else. – WILL ROGERS
5 – “I don’t suppose angels have any sense of humour; it would be of no use to them as they never hear any jokes.” SAKI
6 – Humour is like a frog; if you dissect it, it dies. – MARK TWAIN
7 – I am at a loss to understand what can be got out of laughter except loss of dignity. – KING WILLIAM
8 – Honoria is one of those robust dynamic girls with… a laugh like a squadron of cavalry charging over a tin bridge. – P.G. WODEHOUSE
HUSBANDS AND WIVES:
(100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes)
1 – Being pregnant is a very boring six months… It’s an occupational hazard of being a wife. – PRINCESS ANNE
2 – An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – AGATHA CHRISTIE
3 – Late last night I killed my wife, Stretched her on the parquet flooring; I was loath to take her life, But I had to stop her snoring. – HARRY GRAHAM
4 – A wife is to thank God her husband has faults… A husband without faults is a dangerous observer. – MARQUIS OF HALIFAX
5 – Some cunning men choose fools for their wives, thinking to manage them, but they always fail. – SAMUEL JOHNSON
6 – “A woman seeking a husband is the most unscrupulous of all beasts of prey.” – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
ILLNESS:
(Amusing sentence easy)
1 – Everyone knows how to get rid of this cold me. – J. BASIL BOOTHROYD
2 – I have Bright’s disease – and he has mine. – S.J. PERELMAN
3 – Never talk about your health. When people say “How are you?” they don’t really want to know. – NOEL STREATFIELD
4 – Did you ever have the measles, and if so how many? – ARTEMAS WARD
IMAGINATION:
(amusing quotations)
1 – To treat your facts with imagination is one thing; to imagine your facts is another. – JOHN BURROUGHS
2 – “The only places John likes on the Continent are those in which it’s only by an effort of the imagination that you can tell you’re not in England.” W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
3 – The Right Honourable gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests, and to his imagination for his facts. – R.B. SHERIDAN
INSULTS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – He could not see a belt without hitting below it. – MARGOT ASQUITH
2 – She has the bear’s ethereal grace, The bland hyena’s laugh, The footsteps of the elephant, The neck of a giraffe. – LEWIS CARROLL
3 – A modest little man, with much to be modest about. – WINSTON S. CHURCHILL
4 – Truth for him was a moving target… he rarely pierced the outer ring. – HUGH CUDLIPP
5 – He’ll believe anything provided it’s not in Holy Scripture. – BISHOP DOUGLAS FEAVER
6 – Like precious stones, his sensible remarks, Derive their value from their scarcity. – W.S. GILBERT
7- “I wonder if she goes to launch on a broomstick?” he said. RICHARD GORDON
8 – If I never see that woman again, it’s too soon. – GROUCHO MARX
9 – Whenever I call an Englishman rude he takes it as a compliment. – GEORGE MIKES
10 – She ran the gamut of emotions from A to B. – DOROTHY PARKER
11 – Someone cruelly pointed out in print that I looked like an unmade bed. – DYLAN THOMAS
12 – He is an old bore; even the grave yawns for him. – H. BEERBOHM
JOURNALISM:
(amusing quotes)
1 – “Anything interesting in The Times?” “Don’t be silly, Charles.” – NOEL COWARD
2 – The hardest-worked word in my vocabulary was “alleged”. It can steer you through a mile of rapids. R.F. DELDERFIELD
3 – The news is always bad, even when it sounds good. – ALDOUS HUXLEY
4 – The hardest-worked word in my vocabulary was “alleged”. It can steer you through a mile of rapids. R.F. DELDERFIELD
5 – The secret of successful journalism is to make your readers so angry that they are ready to write half your paper for you. – C.E.M. JOAD
6 – When you pay the losses you can say it’s your paper too. – RUPERT MURDOCH
KISSING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – In all those games of Postman’s Knock. I never once remember kissing an open-eyed girl. R.F. DELDERFIELD
2 – If you want to kiss me any time during the evening, just let me know and I’ll be glad to arrange it for you. Just mention my name. – F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
3 – Kissed her once by the pigsty when she wasn’t looking and never kissed her again although she was looking all the time. – DYLAN THOMAS
LAW:
(amusing quotes)
1 – To appeal, in law, is to put the dice back in the box fox another throw. – W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
2 – law, like houses, lean on one another. – EDMUND BURKE
3 – “Much better” (said Counsel) “to tell you now why you won’t win than to explain later why you didn’t” – HENRY CECIL
4 – On the whole, barristers are more interested in their briefs than in a girl’s. – JILLY COOPER
5 – The Common Law of England has been laboriously built up about a mythical figure – the figure of “the reasonable man”. – A.P. HERBERT
6 – An Act of God was defined as “something which no reasonable man could have expected”. – A.P. HERBERT
7 – If you want to be let off jury service, the word now goes, turn up with neat hair and clean, tidy clothes. – MARY KENNY
LIFE:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Life was always like this. Just as something nice and interesting occurred, destiny must intervene with some pressing engagement. – CONRAD AIKEN
2 – Life is rather like a tin of sardines. We are all looking for the key. – ALAN BENNETT
3 – The one serious conviction a man should have is that nothing should be taken too seriously. – SAMUEL BUTLER
4 – A well-written life is almost as rare as a well-spent one. – THOMAS CARLYLE
5 – He had decided to live for ever or die in the attempt. – JOSEPH HELLER
6 – Life consists in looking forward and looking backward. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
7 – Life is a steady walk with a hidden precipice at the end. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
8 – Truly, there is a tide in the affairs of men; but there is no gulf stream flowing forever in one direction. – J.R. LOWELL
LOVE:
(Mean girls quotes)
1 – The test of true love is whether you can endure the thought of cutting your sweetheart’s toe-nails. – W.N. BARBELLION
2 – Love ceases to be a pleasure when it ceases to be a secret. – APHRA BEHN
3 – Would she could make of me a Saint, Or I of her a Sinner! – WILLIAM CONGREVE
4 – “I hate all that don’t love me, and slight all that do.” – GEORGE FARQUHAR
5 – “What on earth is this love that upsets everybody, and how is it to be distinguished from insanity?” – W.S. GILBERT
6 – “I’m engaged to two noblemen at once. That ought to be enough to make any girl happy.” – W.S. GILBERT
7 – “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to propose? I’d have had my hair waved.” – W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
8 – “Make love in the afternoon… It’s the only time for it.” – ARNOLD WESKER
9 – “Grab her, fold her in a close embrace, and hug her till her ribs squeak. I have tried this policy on several occasions, and I have always found it to give the best results.” – P.G. WODEHOUSE
10 – He fell in love, got married… and then began to find out things. P.G. WODEHOUSE
LYING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – If society needed any further proof that the earl was there, the servant persistently asserted that he was not at home. – G.K. CHESTERTON
2 – “How I love thee for that heavenly gift of lying!” – JOHN DRYDEN
3 – “She’s too crafty a woman to invent a new lie when an old one will do.” W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
4 – If you can’t invent a really convincing lie, it’s often better to stick to the truth. – ANGELA THIRKELL
MARRIAGE:
(Enjoyable sentence easy)
1 – Marriage is the result of a longing for the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue. – MRS. PATRIK CAMPBELL
2 – “Let us be as strange (aloof) as if we had been married a great while; and as well-bred as if we were not married at all.” – WILLIAM CONGREVE
3 – I’ve sometimes thought of marrying and then I’ve thought again. – NOEL COWARD
4 – “Nobody but a monumental bore would have thought of having a honeymoon at Budleigh Salterton.” – NOEL COWARD
5 – “When you’re a married man, Samivel, you’ll understand a good many things as you don’t understand now.” – CHARLES DICKENS
6 – I asked Maureen when she was going to get married but she says why buy a book when you can join a circulating library. – MICHAEL GREEN
7 – All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble. – RAYMOND HULL
8 – “All men who get married must ave a soft spot somewhere, if it’s only in the head.” – W.W. JACOBS
9 – “Marriages are made in Heaven and if we once set to work to repair celestial mistakes we shall have our hands full.” – HENRY ARTHUR JONES
10 – Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. – STEPHEN LEACOCK
11 – Many a promising marriage has foundered in that cold, forbidding gulf between twin beds. – JOHN MARSHALL
12 – If a girl desires to woo you, before allowing her to press her suit, ask her if she knows how to press yours. – STEPHEN LEACOCK
13 – Only a married man with everything in his wife’s name, can face with confidence the give and take of the bustling city. – A.A. MILNE
14 – “Marriage is at best a dangerous experiment.” – T.L. PEACOCK
15 – Strange to see what delight we married people have to see poor fools decoyed into our condition.
16 – When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. – HELEN ROWLAND
17 – Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
18 – “My mother married a very good man… and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.” – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
19 – When a man marries, dies, or turns Hindu, His best friends hear no more of him. – P.B. SHELLEY
20 – The reason so few marriages are happy is because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages. – JONATHAN SWIFT
21 – If people only made prudent marriages, what a stop to population there would be. – W.M. THACKERAY
22 – He’s the most married man I ever saw in my life. – ARTEMUS WARD
23 – Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet. – MAE WEST
24 – “No man should have a secret from his own wife. She invariably finds it out.” – OSCAR WILDE
25 – A man who forgets what day he was married, when he’s been married one year, will forget, at about the end of the fourth, that he’s married at all. – P.G. WODEHOUSE
MEMORY:
(amusing quotes)
1 – It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards. – LEWIS CARROLL
2 – Women and elephants never forget, SAKI
3 – A man’s memory is what he forgets with. – O. SHEPARD
MISFORTUNE:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others. – AMBROSE BIERCE
2 – Nothing succeeds, they say like success. And certainly nothing fails like failure. – MARGARET DRABBLE
3 – By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity – another man’s. – MARK TWAIN
MONEY:
(famous movie quotes)
1 – That money talks, I’ll not deny, I heard it once, It said “Good-bye”. – RICHARD ARMOUR
2 – Money speaks sense in a language all nations understand. – APHRA BEHN
3 – To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it. – G.K. CHESTERTON
4 – “I have no money and therefore resolve to rail at all who have.” – WILLIAM CONGREVE
5 – Money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury. – DUKE OF EDINBURGH
6 – It doesn’t cost less because it’s put on the account. – A.G. ELLIOT
7 – You’d be surprised what people will put up with, if only they have to pay enough for it.” – RICHARD GORDON
8 – “I should be a perfect dear, On fifty thousand pounds a year.” – A.P. HERBERT
9 – Nice people with nice habits but they’ve got no money at all. – NAT MILLS & FRED MALCOLM
10 – When they’re running short of money they borrow from each other. – NAT MILLS & FRED MALCOLM
11 – “I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.” – SAKI
12 – Poverty is no disgrace to a man but it is confoundedly inconvenient. – SYDNEY SMITH
13 – I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich – rich is better – SOPHIE TUCKER
14 – Let us all live within or means, even if we have to borrow money to do it. – ARTEMUS WARD
15 – “I don’t owe a penny to a single soul – not counting tradesmen, of course.” – P.G. WODEHOUSE
MUSIC:
(famous movie quotes)
1 – Brass bands are all very well in their place – outside and several miles away. – THOMAS BEECHAM
2 – Singers have the most marvelous breath control and can kiss for at least ten minutes without stopping. – JILLY COOPER
3 – I’m a flute-player, not a flautist. I don’t have a flaut and I’ve never flauted. – JAMES GALWAY
4 – The organ blew a thin Puritan-preacher’s note through one of its hundred nostrils. – ALDOUS HUXLEY
5 – “Bad luck about young Jim. He wanted to be a pop star, but had to give up when they found out he could sing.” – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
6 – Stravinsky’s music used to be original. Now it is aboriginal. – ERNEST NEWMAN
7 – My singing voice is to melody roughly what bubble-gum is to gourmet cuisine. – DENIS NORDEN
8 – The general aim in music is to make other people… feel outsiders, compared to yourself. STEPHEN POTTER
9 – My friends tell me that my rendering of a Scarlatti sonata sounds best from the garden. – WYNFORD VAUGHAN-THOMAS
10 – Tenors are noble, pure, and heroic and get the soprano. But baritones are born villains. – LEONARD WARREN
PARENTS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children. SAMUEL BUTLER
2 – He is too experienced a parent to make positive promises. – CHRISTOPHER MORLEY
3 – Parents are the bones upon which children sharpen their teeth. – PETER USTINOV
4 – “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness” – OSCAR WILDE
5 – The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. – DUKE OF WINDSOR
PARTIES:
(famous quotes from movies)
1 – A drinks party… normally consists of a room packed full of people, all rapidly talking to each other while eagerly looking for someone else. – CINDY BLAKE
2 – I don’t know how you feel about going to parties in fancy dress, but as a source of pleasure I have always ranked it somewhere on a level with cleaning the oven. DENIS NORDEN
3 – Those who promote and organize the most riotous Christmas parties are seldom those who have one’s best interests at heart. – CHRISTOPHER WARD
PEOPLE:
(fun sentence in English)
1 – Sidney and Beatrice Webb – two nice people if ever there was one. – ALAN BENNETT
2 – Lovers of Humanity generally hate people and children. – ROY CAMPBELL
3 – Every man has one thing he can do better than anyone else, and usually it is reading his own handwriting. – NORMAN COLLIE
4 – “Never trust men with short legs – brains too near their bottoms!” – NOEL COWARD
5 – “I know he is a truly great and good man, for he told me so himself.” – W.S. GILBERT
PHILOSOPHY:
(more amusing sentence)
1 – Voltaire is reported to have said “There isn’t much sense doing anything these days”. – ROBERT BENCHLEY
2 – Philosophers are adults who persist in asking childish questions. – ISAIAH BERLIN
3 – Scientific thought is saying in hard words and involved sentences what could better be said in easy ones. – SAMUEL BUTLER
4 – An open mind is all very well in its way, but it ought not to be so open that there is no keeping anything in or out of it. – SAMUEL BUTLER
5 – Don’t state the matter plainly, But put it in a hint; Learn to look at all things, With a sort of mental squint. – LEWIS CARROLL
6 – If anything can go wrong, it will. – MURPHY’S LAW
7 – A mouse never trusts its life to a single hole. – PLAUTUS
8 – Being a philosopher, I have a problem for every solution. – ROBERT ZEND
POETRY:
(funny quotes from movies)
1 – A poet can earn much more money writing or talking about his art than he can by practicing it. W.H. AUDEN
2 – For a man to be a poet… he must be in love, or miserable. – LORD BYRON
3 – Poetry is not a career but a mug’s game. T.S. ELIOT
4 – It’s hard to say why writing verse, Should terminate in drink or worse. – A.P. HERBERT
5 – Perhaps no person can be a poet or can even enjoy poetry, without a certain unsoundness of mind. – T.B. MACAULAY
POLITICS:
(amusing quotes)
1 – The whole art of political speech is to put nothing into it. It is much more difficult than it sounds. – HILAIRE BELLOC
2 – I don’t go to the House of Lords any more. I went once but my umbrella was stolen by a bishop. – LORD BERNERS
3 – “Those who would enjoy the pleasures of democracy,” said the Doctor, “must school themselves to suffer the law’s delay.” – IVOR BROWN
4 – As a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him. – CHARLES DE GAULLE
5 – There are too many men in politics – and not enough elsewhere. – HERMIONE GINGOLD
6 – The Commons must bray like an ass every day, To appease their electoral hordes. – A.P. HERBERT
7 – I must follow them: I am their leader. – A. BONAR LAW
8 – It’s as dark as the mind of a politician. – MORLEY ROBERTS
9 – We all know that Prime Ministers are wedded to the truth, but like other married couples they sometimes live apart. – SAKI
10 – Mr. Gladstone said he was trying to learn to sleep in the House of Commons. – KATE STANLEY
POVERTY:
(Funny Inspirational Quotes)
1 – People don’t resent having nothing nearly as much as having too little. – IVY COMPTON
2 – There may be a pleasure in poverty but it is a retrospective one. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
3 – Being poor is a mere trifle. It is being known to be poor that is the sting. – J.K. JEROME
4 – The less money you have, the less you worry. – GEORGE OR WELL
5 – The truly poor man is not he who has little but he who wishes for more. – SENECA
6 – Very few people can afford to be poor. – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
7 – My mother’s idea of economy was to take a bus to the Ritz. – LADY TRUMPINGTON
RELIGION:
(amusing sentence in English)
1 – He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic. – KINGSLEY AMIS
2 – “It’s a bit depressing if most of the congregation are in the churchyard instead of the church.” – ALAN AYCKBOURN
3 – The Bible is like the poor: we have it always with us but we know very little about it. – SAMUEL BUTLER
4 – Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company. – EARL OF CHESTERFIELD
5 – There are not many people who would care to sleep in a church. I don’t mean at sermon-time… but at night and alone. – CHARLES DICKENS
6 – Sensible men all of the same religion.” “What is that?” “Sensible men never tell.” – BENJAMIN DISRAELI
7 – A little girl had just been assured that God could do anything. “Then, if he can do anything, can he make a stone so heavy that. He can’t lift it?” – A.A. MILNE
8 – “No one can be an unbeliever nowadays. The Christian Apologists have left nothing to disbelieve.” – SAKI
9 – God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down. As an old man you try to conciliate him for fear he may knock you down. – H. BEERBOHM TREE
10 – The Ten Commandments don’t tell you what you ought to do, and only put ideas into your head. – ANON
SCHOOL:
(Funniest Quotes of all time)
1 – “That’s the reason they’re called lessons,” the Gryphon remarked; “because they lessen from day to day.” – LEWIS CARROLL
2 – You can’t expect a boy to be depraved until he has been to a good school. – SAKI
3 – I liked Eton, except in the following respects: for work and games, for boys and masters. – OSBERT SITWELL
SCIENCE:
(amusing quotes)
1 – “You see (said Alice) the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its axis.” “Talking of axes,” said the Duchess, “chop off her head!” LEWIS CARROLL
2 – Science, which can do so much cannot decide what it ought to do. – J.W. KRUTCH
3 – If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. – Murphy’s Law
SELFISHNESS:
(Best Funny Quotes)
1 – The idea of minding our own business is rubbish. Who could be so selfish? – MYRTLE BARKER
2 – Unselfishness is what we do for others. Selfishness is what they fail to do for us. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
3 – Self-love is not so vile a sin As self-neglect. – WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
SEX:
(funny movie quotes about life)
1 – My husband believes that a Casanova provides useful social service, claiming that the best women, like Rolls-Royces, should be delivered to the customer fully run in. – JILLY COOPER
2 – Men’s pupils dilate more at the sight of a female pin-up than vice versa. – JOHN FISHER
3 – The difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. – BRENDAN FRANCIS
4 – A bird I the bed is worth two in the bushes. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
5 – Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. – GROUCHO MARX
6 – Men rarely make passes At girls wearing glasses. – DOROTHY PARKER
7 – Come up and see me sometime. – MAE WEST
8 – Any time you got nothing to do and lots of time to do it, come on up. – MAE WEST
9 – My life is an open book. All too often open at the wrong page. – MAE WEST
10 – Give a man a free hand and he’ll try and put it all over you – MAE WEST
SMOKING:
(Funny Quotes and sayings)
1 – There is nothing (in a hotel) to stop you from smoking a pipe full of damp shredded socks and blowing the smoke all round the dining-room. – CLEMENT FREUD
2 – I have smoked “carefully blended” mixtures that tasted like a hayrick on fire. – J.B. PRIESTLEY
3 – Nicotine is an awful curse, It strains the heart and drains the purse. – K.T. SARMA
4 – I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigarata time. – MARK TWAIN
SPORT:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Good losers get into the habit of losing. – GEORGE ALLEN
2 – The school Sports Day is a purgatory of tedium… Exciting finishes are rare oases in a desert of dullness, and always happen when I am looking at something else. – BALAAM
3 – I used to do a bit of boxing. They called me “Washing” because I was always hanging on the ropes. – LES DAWSON
4 – Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play… It is war minus the shooting. – GEORGE ORWELL
5- The people who control sport in this country carry on as if it never rained. – MICHAEL WALE
ROAD TO SUCCESS QUOTES
SUCCESS:
(funny movie quotes about winning)
1 – The toughest thing about success is that you’ve got to keep on being a success. – IRVING BERLIN
2 – Success is the one unpardonable sin against one’s fellows. – AMBROSE BIERCE
3 – He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody. – JOSEPH HELLER
4 – Failures are the steps that lead to success. Success is the blind alley at the top of the steps. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
5 – For one person spoilt by success, a thousand are spoilt by failure. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
6 – Nothing recedes like success. – WALTER WINCHELL.
TEACHERS:
(Cute Funny Quotes)
1 – A teacher tells me he once saw the following comment written by a colleague on a pupil’s school report: “His spelling is absolutely appalling” – BALAAM
2 – The dangerous practice of striking a boy with the hand the headmaster could not approve so he burst out with the immortal words: “If any boy talks, give him a good hard push!” – BALAAM
3 – Every schoolmaster knows that for every one person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty who don’t want to learn. – W.C. SELLAR & R.J. YEATMAN
4 – Assistant masters came and went… Some liked little boys too little and some too much. – EVELYN WAUGH
THINKING:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. – AMBROSE BIERCE
2 – The trouble with the person who always says what he thinks is that he talks more than he thinks – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
3 – When all think alike, no one is thinking. – WALTER LIPPMANN
4 – Thinking has always been to me an occupation painful and without charm. – J.J. ROUSSEAU
5 – He could no more help having ideas about everything than a dog can resist smelling at your heels. – SAMUEL BUTLER
THOUGHTS:
(Top Funny Quotes)
1 – One’s conscience had better not speak at all than be always jabbering. – SAMUEL BUTLER
2 – Shake a hand, never a fist. – A.G. ELLIOT
3 – The good thing about swallowing pride is that it doesn’t choke you. – A.G. ELLIOT
4 – The surest way of losing one’s dignity is to stand on it. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
5 – To do two things at once is to do neither. – PUBLILIUS SYRUS
TRAVEL:
(amusing quotes)
1 – Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror. – AL BOLISKA
2 – The only times I ever knew the buses of Dublin to go fast is when I’m running to catch one. – BRENDAN BEHAN
3 – It’s easier to find a travelling companion than to get rid of one. – PEG BRACKEN
4 – Had Cain been Scottish, God would have changed his doom: Not forced him wander, but condemned him home. – JOHN CLEVELAND
5 – The great question about abroad is, is it worth getting there? – ROSE MACAULAY
6 – Nowadays you catch foreign travel rather as you caught influenza in the twenties. – GEORGE MIKES
TRUTH:
(More Funny Quotes)
1 – I don’t mind lies, but I hate inaccuracy. – SAMUEL BUTLER
2 – There is probably no popularly-received belief which is absolutely true. – R.T. GOULD
3 – Truth wears a different face to everybody. – J.R. LOWELL
4 – Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. – MARK TWAIN
5 – Truth is never pure and rarely simple. – OSCAR WILDE
6 – Truth is at the bottom of a bottomless well. – ANON
UNIVERSITY:
(amusing quotes)
1 – No wonder, looking back, I never worked… I cut tutorials with wild excuse, For life was luncheons, all the way. – JOHN BETJEMAN
2 – Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints. – R.W. EMERSON
3 – “Did you sleep together?” “Only at lectures.” – MARK POWER
4 – He had hoped to open what was described as “an university for the mentally confused”, but as most universities cater for these, it did not get off the ground. – BYRON ROGERS
WAR:
(amusing quotes)
1 – The way to win an atomic war is to make certain it never starts. – GENERAL OMAR BRADLEY
2 – Force and fraud are in war the two cardinal virtues. – THOMAS HOBBES
3 – Ben Battle was a soldier bold, And used to war’s alarm; But a cannon-ball took off his legs, So he laid down his arms. THOMAS HOOD
4 – After the war it seemed that we would hardly survive the blow of victory; nevertheless, today we are nearly as well off as the Germans themselves. – GEORGE MIKES
5 – You can’t say civilization don’t advance… In every war they kill you a new way. – WILL ROGERS
6 – At my selection board interview… I told the officer I was interested in tanks. His eyes blazed with enthusiasm. “Why tanks?” he said keenly. I replied that I preferred to go into battle sitting down. – PETER USTINOV
7 – I was allowed a brief whiff of freedom before going back to school in the Army as what is so ironically, so inhumanly, so inaccurately called a Private. PETER USTINOV
WEATHER:
(100 Funny Photos)
1 – The rain it raineth on the just, And also on the unjust fella; But chiefly on the just, because The unjust steals the just’s umbrella. – C.S. BOWEN
2 – July had been blown out like a candle by a biting wind that ushered in a leaden August sky. – GERALD DURRELL
3 – Washing your car and polishing it upis a never-failing sign of rain. – KIN HUBBARD
4 – Who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand. J.K. JEROME
5 – If December passes without snow, we indignantly demand to know what has become of our good, old-fashioned winters, and talk as if we had been cheated out of something we had bought and paid for; and when it does snow, our language is a disgrace to a Christian nation. – J.K. JEROME
6 – I said to the First Officer, “Gad, that sun’s hot.” To which he replied. “Well, you shouldn’t touch it.” – SPIKE MILLIGAN
7 – If I were running the world I would have it rain only between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. Anyone out then ought to get wet. – W.L. PHELPS
8 – “One of these days the sun will come smiling through.” “Well… if you meet it, tell it to get a move on.” – P.G. WODEHOUSE
WOMAN:
(amusing quotes)
1 – A girl never pursues a man; but then, a mousetrap never pursues a mouse. – RONNIE BARKER
2 – Most women are not so young as they are painted. – MAX BEERBOHM
3 – Even nowadays a man can’t step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous. – ROBERT BENCHLEY
4 – Brigands demand your money or your life, whereas women require both. – SAMUEL BUTLER
5 – I have prejudices about women. I do not like to see them eat. – LORD BYRON
6 – “What is woman? Only one of Nature’s agreeable blunders.” – HANNAH COWLEY
7 – She was the sort of woman to be avoided – one who made you want to slip off her shoulder-straps but wouldn’t let you. – A.G. ELLIOT
8 – “Women are always wonderfully the same. Shapes very a little, that’s all.” -ALDOUS HUXLEY
9 – The first conjuring trick was the production of a woman from a man’s rib, but it was not very well rehearsed. – LAMBERT JEFFRIES
10 – A woman can’t be too rich, too thin, or have too many silk blouses. – JOYCE JILLSON
11 – The female of the species is more deadly than the male. – RUDYARD KIPLING
12 – “Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” – ALAN LERNER
13 – Some women can’t see a telephone without picking up the receiver. – W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM
14 – Women and elephant never forget an injury. – SAKI
15 – O woman in our hours of ease, Uncertain, coy, and hard to please. – WALTER SCOTT
16 – The English woman is so refined, She has no bosom and no behind. – STEVIE SMITH
17 – A woman with fair opportunities and without a positive hump may marry whom she likes. W.M. THACKERAY
18 – When women go wrong, men go right after them. – MAE WEST
Rahul Gandhi’s 10 Funny Speeches (Funny Quotes Video)
Frequently Asked Questions:
- “No man worth having is true to his life… or ever was.” – JOHN VANBRUGH
- “As a grown man you should know better than to go round advising people.” – BERTOLT BRECHT
- The gardener’s rule applies to youth and age: When young “sow wild oats”, but when old, grow sage. – H.J. BYRON
- Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn’t do something it oughtn’t to, a doctor should be called in at once. J.K. JEROME
- A queen devoid of beauty is not queen. – VICTOR HUGO
- The saying that beauty is but skin deep is but a skin-deep saying. – HERBERT SPENCER
10 positive quotes are:
- A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. – Albert Einstein
- The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. – Steve Jobs
- There is always light. If only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it. -Amanda Gorman
- I have learned not to allow rejection to move me. – Cicely Tyson
- You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. – A.A. Milne
- Attitude is the ‘little’ thing that makes a big difference. – Winston Churchill
- All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them. – Walt Disney
- Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Edison
- Champions keep playing until they get it right. – Billie Jean King
- We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. – Ronald Reagan
Some fun quotes are as follows:
- Being a philosopher, I have a problem for every solution. – ROBERT ZEND
- The way to win an atomic war is to make certain it never starts. – GENERAL OMAR BRADLEY
- The female of the species is more deadly than the male. – RUDYARD KIPLING
- “What is woman? Only one of Nature’s agreeable blunders.” – HANNAH COWLEY
The 10 famous quotes are:
- No man has ever yet discovered the way to give friendly advice to a woman, not even to his wife. – HONORE DE BALZAC
- To ask advice is in nine cases out of ten to tout for flattery. – JOHN CHURTON COLLINS
- I sometimes give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it. – LADY MARY MONTAGU
- No one wants advice – only corroboration. – JOHN STEINBECK
- The family you come from isn’t as important as the family you’re going to have. – RING W. LARDNER
- Peace of mind is better than giving them a piece of your mind. – J.P. McEVOY
- Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to. – MARK TWAIN
- All architecture is great architecture after sunset. – G.K. CHESTERTON
- When everyone is somebody, Then no one’s anybody. – W.S. GILBERT
- No baby is admired sufficiently to please the mother. – E.V. LUCAS
- Drink because you are happy, never because you are miserable. – G.K. CHESTERTON
- A primary duty of education is to let curiosity rip. – IVOR BROWN
- They never taste, who always drink. – MATTHEW PRIOR
- Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. – OSCAR WILDE
- Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup. – ANON
- Experience is the comb Life gives you after you’ve lost your hair. – JUDITH STERN
- You can never plan the future by the past. – EDMUND BURKE
- Being pregnant is a very boring six months… It’s an occupational hazard of being a wife. – PRINCESS ANNE
- “A woman seeking a husband is the most unscrupulous of all beasts of prey.” – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
- To treat your facts with imagination is one thing; to imagine your facts is another. – JOHN BURROUGHS
Conclusion
If you want to laugh then “Amusing Quotations” will no doubt make you laugh.
“1000+ QUOTES AND IMAGE TEMPLATES”
Under “Amusing Quotes” topic we have different sub-topics like clever funny quotes, amusing quotes, funny work quotes, funny quotes about life lessons, funny quotes about life struggles etc.
We have taken good care of you in this post. Here we have brought some of the best funny quotes in Hindi (for language change click on the bottom) also to make you laugh.
Someone has rightly said laughter is indeed the best medicine, if we can bring smile on someone face then no doubt it reduces their stress as well as relaxes our body and gives mental peace also.
Interesting thing is you can set these funny quotes as status on WhatsApp, Facebook or Instagram or share with your friends on social media to make them smile, chuckle and cheer up.
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